We, humans, see the world and others based on what and who we know best, our life experiences and ourselves. This individualism that we bring to the party is what makes life an awesome adventure. No two of us are alike. Even identical twins are different based on their personalities and socialization. Some of us exude love and warmth, finding the best in almost everyone one we meet, while others can find an imperfection in an individual from a mile away.

Our personal health and balance of our four bodies of being an influence which of these we tend to exhibit the most, how we see as well as respond to others, and who we let influence our lives. All we need to do is think about this for a nano second and we know exactly which of these are the preferred choice.

I remember when I was very young, maybe 8 years old or so, a woman that I had a great deal of respect for shared something that has stuck with me to this day. She asked me to count the fingers on my hand, she then said to me, “when ever you point a finger at another person remember that there are three pointing back at yourself.” In the days that followed that conversation, I found myself looking down at my hand many times. Even at such a tender age I somehow I understood the magnitude of what she had imparted to me. My life and the way I would look at others would never be the same. I pass these words of wisdom on to you in the hope you will first look at your self and make corrections before you pass judgment on another……

So at that tenderhearted age, with my new knowledge, I set out to the rest of my life. I pretty much accepted everyone as a “pretty nice person”… after all, those three fingers pointing back at me were keeping me pretty busy. While this piece of wisdom had changed the way I looked at and treated others, it did nothing to protect me from the rest of the world that missed out on this gem of knowledge. No matter how excepting and how much I avoided my judgments popping up in my mind, I quickly learned that some people can make a career out of judging others, and that some people are just plain mean.

What was even worse and extremely damaging at a very influential age was that I actually believed what those girls in junior high and high school thought and said about me mattered… believing their judgement of me chipped away at myself-esteem, self worth and confidence. I went from being a cheerleader, to drugs, sex and rock and roll. By seventeen I was giving birth to a baby girl. Now they had something to talk about!

I was in my mid-twenties when I participated in a workshop that introduced me to Terry Cole-Whittaker’s book “What you think of me is none of my business”. It was then I was able to begin my process of letting go of all that finger pointing that had come my way, from others as well as myself.

I wish I could say that I have arrived at a place of immunity when it comes to dealing with people who judge and say unkind things. I have not. When we are hurting, our self-esteem is waffling, we are easily over come by anger, jealousy or experience envy, this is when we can be more vulnerable to our lower vibrations and more likely to judge. Because we are human and we are vulnerable to life happening, it is important that we work on those areas within ourselves. As we do we become stronger and more balanced. As we feel more balanced we find that being around those who judge and can be unkind are not people we want to spend time with. We begin to surround ourselves with people that are mindful and doing their personal work. When we get to this place we find that life flows more gracefully, the dark days become fewer, and when they do show up we are surrounded by people that lift us up, bring us joy and have our back.

When you find yourself in judgement, pause and look within and ask yourself why, then work with the answer you find. Perhaps you will take note of the three fingers pointing back at you as a gentle reminder to find your balance within.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world” ~ Mahatma Gandi

Jan Mabey

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