It’s Okay to be Selfish Sometimes

I talk a lot about taking time for yourself. Take time to not only relax and refuel but to discover who you are and why you’re here. This takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. It takes time to discover your purposes in life, to find your passion and to pursue it.

In my own life, I travel, go on retreats, spend time with my friends, and choose to work pretty much full time. Many would say I’m selfish – many, in fact, DO.  I hear this comment a lot from women and mothers. I would feel selfish if I took time to relax and pamper myself.  What is wrong with this picture? Why do you feel the need to always be doing something for someone else in order to validate your purpose or your existence or to feel good about yourself? We are not superwoman and we don’t need to be in order to validate who we are or in order to be loved and accepted.  It’s okay to say NO and take time for yourself. 

The definition of selfish:

1: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others

2: arising from concern with one’s own welfare or advantage in disregard of others

Imagine yourself 30 or 40 years from now with your daughter. She comes to you in tears. She feels completely overwhelmed, that she’s lost herself. She has no help, her body is unhealthy, she doesn’t know what she loves to do anymore, she can’t remember the last time she was happy. Now imagine if you told her to take a break, to ask for help, to start exploring what she loves and who she is… Now imagine her looking at you in confusion, and you realize she has no idea how to do that because you never taught her.

Would teaching our children to love and take care of themselves, to take time for themselves, to know themselves be selfish, absolutely not. You need to set the example and teach them its okay to love and care for and nurture yourself, otherwise, your bucket will be empty and you will have nothing to give, you will end up being depressed and feeling empty. Your taking time to love yourself and know yourself, to do the things you want to do, is not selfish – it’s good parenting.

So, let’s save the word “selfish” for times when it’s appropriate and instead focus on how we want to lead by example and inspire the next generation of women.



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