Judgement & The Four Bodies of Being

We as humans see the world and others based on what and who we know best our life experiences, and ourselves. No two of us are alike. Even identical twins are different based on their personalities and socialization. This individualism we bring to the party is what makes life on earth an awesome adventure. Some of us exuding love and warmth, finding the best in almost everyone we meet, while others find imperfection in others from a mile away. The health and balance of our four bodies of being: emotional, mental, physical and spiritual (see blog “Your Bodies of Being” April 2017) tend to influence which of these styles we exhibit most frequently. Influencing not only how we see others but also how we respond to different conditions. We don’t need to think about this for long before we know exactly which of these we lean towards.

I remember when I was very young, maybe 8 years old, a woman that I had a great deal of respect shared something that has stuck with me to this day. She asked me to count the fingers on my hand, she then said, whenever you point a finger at another person remember that there are three pointing back at yourself.” In the days that followed, our conversation echoed in my mind and I found myself looking down at my hand and those fingers many times. At such a tender age I somehow understood the magnitude of what she had imparted to me. My life and the way I would look at others would never be the same.

With my new knowledge, I set out on the journey called the rest of my life. I pretty much accepted everyone as a “pretty nice person”… after all, those three fingers pointing back at me were keeping me pretty busy. While this piece of wisdom had been etched in my mind and had changed the way I looked at and world and how I would treat others, it did nothing to protect me from those that had missed out on this gem of knowledge. I often took the judgements of others to heart and over time they chipped away at my self esteem, self worth and confidence. I went from running for student body office positions and being a cheerleader, to drugs, sex and rock and roll. By seventeen I was giving birth to a baby girl, giving them something to talk about. I was in my mid-twenties when I participated in a workshop that introduced me to Terry Cole-Whittaker’s book “What you think of me is none of my business”.  ( which you can purchase off the HelloBeautifulLadies.com) website under Motivational Books. It was then I was able to begin my process of healing and letting go of all that finger pointing that had come my way, from others as well as myself.

I wish I could say that I have arrived at a place of immunity when it comes to dealing with people who judge and say unkind things, I have not. Personal awareness, responsibility, and accountability are a lifelong process. While I have not totally come to understand why I continue to invite occasional people into my life who I perceive as judgmental and actually mean, what is equally as damaging is that I sometimes still believe what they think and say about me matters.
It is during these moments that I believe I can best serve myself and others by remembering that what others think of me may possibly be more of a projection based on their own pain, fears, and insecurities. When we are hurting, our self-esteem waffles and can make us more susceptible to lower vibrational frequencies such as anger, jealousy, and envy, making us more vulnerable to the finger pointing of others, as well as becoming more judgmental ourselves. We are human so this is difficult to avoid completely.

As we become stronger in spirit and more balanced, we find we more often than not, choose to be around those that are more accepting, kind and mindful, those who are engaged in doing their personal work and who have our back. When we get to this place, dark days become few, life flows more gracefully, there is a tendency towards greater health, joy, and happiness When we find ourselves in judgment it can be beneficial to pause, look within and ask why doing our work with the answers we find. Noting the three fingers pointing back us as a gentle reminder to find our balance within.

Jan Mabey

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