The Language of Love – How to celebrate Valentines day all year long

Valentines Day isn’t just for Lovers.  It’s a day to express appreciation, gratitude, and love for all the individuals in your life whom you love and who bring you joy and make life better for you. Don’t overlook children, family, friends, and people who are single or lonely along with others who have contributed to your life.  A  handwritten Thank you note is a great way to express your love and appreciation. Words from the heart are what mean the most and last forever. Long after gifts are forgotten our words and actions speak the loudest.  How do we treat those we love all year long? 

Remember everyone is worthy of self -love and until you love yourself and accept yourself for who you are, you won’t be able to truly love and accept others.  Don’t expect someone else to make your life full, or to make you happy. You must be happy and fulfilled on your own.   If you are single, holidays can be tough, you can feel left out if you are not in a committed relationship. The best thing you can do is plan ahead for these occasions and make plans with other friends in similar situations to spend the time together participating in an event that you all can enjoy.  Make sure to keep busy and reach out to others in similar situations and share some uplifting words of encouragement with them.  when you lose yourself helping others, you will find you are the most fulfilled, satisfied and happy.  You will find joy in the service of others. Remember… When you love what you have, you have everything you need.

 

How do I Love Thee Let Me Count the Ways:

The six general expressions of love are: spending time together, giving/receiving gifts, words of encouragement or belief in each others’ abilities, helpful behaviors, physical affection, and words of caring or appreciation.  This topic was the subject of a book, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. Thoughts, feeling, and actions of love are some of the most beautiful gifts one person can give to another. Being treasured, honored, and desired enhances our vulnerability and strengthens our sense of personal value. When we value a relationship we become more than the sum of our parts, multiplying our love of others and of life in general.

 

 

In a relationship sustaining love requires both partners to express feelings and love it in a way that the other hears and feels what those behaviors mean. Most people do not express love in the same way. People rarely express their love at the same levels of intensity, at the same times, or in the same manner. People have different rhythms, different interpretations, different ways of communicating, and differing needs for the frequency of connection.For example, one lover may be more comfortable with passionate touch or emotion, overwhelming the partner with displays of affection. The overloaded partners may intellectually and emotionally appreciate the love offered, but pull back because of the way it is expressed. The more-passionate partners may then feel the withdrawal as rejection and respond with even greater intensity to close the escalating gap. Their love for each other is eclipsed by their misunderstanding.

In another case, one partner may be a “touch-and-go” lover, wanting close connection within limited periods of time. When done with their intimacy, these kinds of people retreat to emotionally reload. If their partners don’t understand the reasons for their  “time-outs,” they may feel confused or abandoned, wondering what they might have done wrong to push the other away. They may feel angry or hurt and close down in order to deal with the assumed rejection. When the lovers return for reconnection, their partners may respond negatively. Before they are willing to accept the offer, they may insist on processing what happened, transferring the rejection to the other partner. 

 

Some people feel most natural expressing their love physically, seeking frequent touch and affection. If they choose partners who prefer to express love verbally, an understanding that partners may need different kinds of connections.Some people write better than they talk and some people seek romantic phrases as a means to further intimacy. Other intimate partners make it a point to remember their partner’s subtle desires and delight in spontaneously presenting them with unexpected surprises. 

 

Both partners must strive to authentically and comfortably communicate their differences and learn each other’s personal languages of love expression. 

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