ASK ANDREA- Guest Blogger – DeAnna Gillespie Bangerter – Talks About Consequences in Life


Consequences are a key element of boundaries. When we’ve asked someone not to come onto our property, what happens? You probably don’t open your front door, welcome them in and offer them something to drink. And if you do, well, we’ll work on that! 

Ideally, you want to have a structure in place that protects your property. And that’s how consequences play a role in setting boundaries. “If and Then” statements promote the freedom of choice for both individuals. If someone decides to interfere with your boundaries, then you can make a decision about what to do next. (See what I did there?) Here are a few examples: 

“If you are going to have a bad attitude at the event, then I will choose to dismiss myself and leave.”

“If you continue to be late for dinner, then I/we will eat without you, and your food may be cold.”

“If you’re not going to do your homework, then I will take your cell phone away.” So, how does this change the way we think about consequences, or does it? 

“Consequences are what you get back in return for your actions. Like a boomerang. decisions bring consequences. Not making a decision brings consequences. Setting standards bring consequences. Settling for less brings consequences. When we are aware of the consequences that a decision or action will bring we can handle it better. When we are unprepared for consequences then they seem to be seen as negative. Perhaps they aren’t. The negative is that we weren’t prepared for the consequence.”“Consequences are a powerful teacher.  Things might be hard, but that doesn’t mean they are bad, and there may be negative consequences, but I can learn from them. Sometimes we deal with the consequences of other people’s behavior, and that can be hard.”

“I believe that consequences keep us from returning over and over to the wrong thing that brought on the consequence in the first place. Consequences can help us develop self-control, in my opinion.”




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