Tips for Taking control of Your Life

I have this sign on my refrigerator, bathroom mirror, and phone to remind me that it is okay to say NO. Every time you say NO, you are really saying YES to something else you would prefer doing.

Saying NO is a challenge for most people. Why is it so hard to tell someone NO?  Is it because we feel guilty or like we are letting someone down? Or is it because we feel like we need to be Superwoman all the time?  People want to be liked by everyone so often we take on more than we can handle. If we could say no more often we would experience less burnout, stress, and depression.

When we take on more than we can handle, we cause stress in our lives and it builds resentment because we aren’t  scheduling any “ME” time or downtime.  Taking on too much can seriously affect your health and happiness.

 

Here are  a few Tips to help you say no:

Sleep on it

If you are feeling pressured and ambivalent, tell the individual that you will think about it and get back to them, or I will check my schedule and get back with you. This alleviates the pressure of the moment and you won’t feel the need to acquiesce. Then sleep on it and make your decision.

 Sleep on it. If you are feeling pressured and ambivalent, tell the individual that you will think about it and get back to them, or I will check my schedule and get back with you. This alleviates the pressure of the moment and you won’t feel the need to acquiesce. Then sleep on it and make your decision.

  • You don’t need to explain why you’re saying NO

Simply say that you really can’t fit that into my schedule right now. If you say no and the other party pushes back, the best thing you can do is repeat yourself. This is much easier to do when you recognize beforehand that it is often necessary. Don’t back yourself into a corner by trying to explain yourself further.

Do we feel the need to say yes so that people will like us or to impress them or to be the perfect wife, mother, sister, friend, employee?  I am giving you permission to say NO.

 

 

And here’s a tip, when we say NO, we don’t have to give an explanation as to why we’re saying no.  We simply say, I really can’t fit that in my schedule right now.  We don’t have to say, well I can’t because I have this and this and this going on. We don’t have to justify our reason for saying No.  If you say no and the other party pushes back, the best thing you can do is repeat yourself. This is much easier to do when you recognize beforehand that it is often necessary. In some cases, you may have to repeat yourself more than once.  Don’t back yourself into a corner by trying to explain yourself further. It is your right to say no to any request, and you’ll need to be firm in order to have your intentions understood.

 

We can say, I would really like to help out, or donate, it’s not possible right now, or my schedule is really booked and I won’t be able to make it … and leave it at that. You are not required to give anyone an explanation, Not friends or family or religious volunteering.  If it’s someone asking you to lend them money,  simply say “ I’m not in a position to donate or lend money at this time”  If they ask why t simply say I don’t feel comfortable sharing that information with you.

No is a powerful word you should not be afraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, you need to avoid phrases like “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Using limp phrases instead of saying no will often be considered a yes. When it’s time to say no, just say no! My new line is this “ The Swensen Bank is closed”  and that is all I say. If someone says, can you bring this to the party and you don’t want to say no, however, I will bring this instead.

Once you start saying NO  you will feel such a sense of freedom and relief and the more you say NO  the easier it will become.  Only commit to things you really want to participate in.  You are NOT obligated to anyone for anything. Start practicing saying no, rehearse it in your head beforehand if you can. That way you will feel more comfortable and at ease saying NO.

 

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